He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
