i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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