Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize