I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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