found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
