naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
