my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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