A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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