i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
