remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
