Say something about gay babies.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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