Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize