Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I look better un-naked...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
