Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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