laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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