I got chris browned last night
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
