I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
