Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she looked like the before picture.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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