the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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