Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The air taste purple.
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