So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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