well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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