I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
