it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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