Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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