ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
