we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
nutella sex= disaster
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
