Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
