I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
