hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
