He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
