I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
