Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
