worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just crazy horny about you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
