so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
