If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
