Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
