Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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