how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
