i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
