I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
God, I missed his penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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