Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
