Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just tell him i said nine months
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
