My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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