It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
