fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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