I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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