I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
