Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
