"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
