Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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