As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
