I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
