He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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