i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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