So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
