It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize