At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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