I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
