Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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