My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
