my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
