She said her name was "party"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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