Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I did not marry a roomba.
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