Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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