my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
