it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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