I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
