you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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