Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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