Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
