Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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