So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
