I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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