You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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