I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
