And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
