u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
