he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
