If that was your dad, he is hot
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize