I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
