Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
