Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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