Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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