Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
