So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
