oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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