Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
